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Your Cousin Just Messaged You on Ancestry, Now What? The 5-Step Atlantic Canada Collaboration Framework

You're scrolling through your Ancestry account, maybe checking on a hint or two, when you see it: that little green notification bubble. "New Message from a DNA Match." Your heart does a little skip. Someone, an actual, real-life cousin, wants to connect.

Exciting, right? Absolutely. But also… slightly terrifying.

What if they know more than you? What if they ask you questions you can't answer? What if they've got the whole family tree figured out and you're still trying to work out whether your great-great-grandfather was born in Scotland or Cape Breton? (Spoiler: it was probably Scotland, but he definitely died in Cape Breton.)

Take a breath. This is a good thing. In fact, it's one of the best things that can happen in your genealogy journey. But like any good relationship, it requires a bit of strategy, some ground rules, and a healthy dose of Atlantic Canada common sense.

Here's your 5-step framework for turning that "New Message" notification into a productive, maybe even lifelong, genealogy partnership.

Step 1: Verify the Connection (Because We've Got a Lot of MacLeods)

Here's the thing about Atlantic Canada: we recycle surnames like nobody's business. If you're researching families in Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, or Newfoundland, you already know this. The MacDonalds, the MacLeods, the Gallants, the LeBlancs, the Smiths, they're everywhere. And they're not always related to your MacDonalds or MacLeods.

Before you dive headfirst into sharing your entire research library, take a moment to confirm which side of the family this person actually belongs to.

Two genealogy researchers comparing family trees and old photos in Atlantic Canada home

Here's how:

  • Check your shared matches. Ancestry and MyHeritage both show you a list of people you both match with. Look for names you recognise. If you share matches with people from your maternal grandmother's side, bingo, you've got your answer.
  • Ask about place names. A simple "Do you have any family from Pictou County?" or "Did your people come through Cape Breton?" can narrow things down fast.
  • Compare known ancestors. If they mention a surname or a place that rings a bell, ask for a birth year or a spouse's name. That extra detail can confirm whether you're barking up the right family tree, or the wrong one entirely.

Atlantic Canada genealogy is full of clusters. Whole communities migrated together from the Scottish Highlands, Acadia, Ireland, and beyond. So yes, you might match someone with the surname MacDonald, but unless you're both descended from the same MacDonald line that settled in Antigonish in 1820, you're just distant cousins waving at each other from across the genealogical landscape.

Verify first. Celebrate second.

Step 2: Check the Evidence (Not All Trees Are Created Equal)

You've confirmed the connection. Great! Now comes the detective work.

Click over to their tree. What do you see? Are there sources attached to each person? Census records, birth certificates, marriage registrations, obituaries? Or is it a long, beautiful, completely unsourced tree that looks suspiciously like it was copied wholesale from someone else's research?

Here's a hard truth: a lot of online trees are wrong. Not because people are malicious, but because they're human. Someone saw a name that looked close enough, clicked "accept hint," and moved on. Multiply that across five generations, and suddenly your ancestors are living in the wrong province, marrying people they never met, and dying 20 years before they were born.

What to look for:

  • Source citations. Do they list where they found the information? A tree with sources is a tree you can trust (or at least verify).
  • Reasonable dates. If someone's birth year is 1820 but they're supposedly the parent of someone born in 1815, that's a red flag.
  • Specificity. Vague locations like "Canada" or "Scotland" suggest the person hasn't done deep research. Specific places like "West River, Pictou County" or "Isle of Skye, Inverness-shire" are much more promising.

If their tree looks solid, fantastic. If it's a bit of a mess, don't write them off, just proceed with caution. Sometimes the people with the messiest trees are the ones sitting on a treasure trove of family documents, photos, and stories. They just haven't digitised them yet.

Step 3: Define the Goal (What Are We Actually Trying to Solve?)

This is where collaboration gets fun, and focused.

Don't just say, "Hey, cool, we're cousins!" and leave it at that. Ask the question: What do we both want to know?

Maybe you're both stuck on the same brick wall. Perhaps it's figuring out where your shared 3x-great-grandmother was born before she showed up in the 1871 census in Cumberland County. Or maybe it's tracing that elusive Scottish immigrant who left the Highlands during the Clearances and landed in Cape Breton in the 1820s.

Cousins collaborating on genealogy research using laptop with historical family documents

Here's how to frame it:

"I see we share [ancestor's name]. I've been trying to figure out [specific question]. Have you come across anything that might help?"

Be specific. "I'm trying to find out more about the MacKinnons" is too broad. "I'm trying to confirm whether Duncan MacKinnon, born around 1795 in Skye, is the same Duncan MacKinnon who married Mary MacDonald in Mabou in 1822" is gold.

When you define a shared goal, you transform a casual message exchange into a real research partnership. And trust me, two heads are better than one, especially when you're both staring at the same stubborn ancestor who refuses to appear in any records.

Step 4: Share with Care (Nobody Needs a 2,000-Person GEDCOM)

You're excited. I get it. You've been working on this tree for years. You've got 1,847 people entered, complete with notes, sources, and that one photo of Great-Aunt Mabel from 1932.

But here's the thing: don't overwhelm them.

Sending someone your entire GEDCOM file on day one is like handing them a phone book and saying, "Your ancestors are in here somewhere, good luck!" It's too much, too fast, and it's more likely to confuse than to help.

Instead, share strategically:

  • Focus on your common line. Send them a mini-tree or a few generations that directly relate to your shared ancestors.
  • Share specific documents. If you've got a census record, a land grant, or an obituary that mentions their side of the family, send that. Context is everything.
  • Tell stories. People connect with narratives. "Here's what I know about our shared great-great-grandfather, he was a ship's carpenter who emigrated from Inverness in 1848 and settled in Pictou" is way more engaging than a dry list of dates.

Think of it this way: you're not dumping your entire filing cabinet on their desk. You're handing them a carefully curated folder labelled "The Stuff That Matters to Both of Us."

Step 5: Create a Collaborative Plan (Genealogy Is a Team Sport)

Here's what I believe at How We Got Here Genealogy Services: genealogy is a team sport. Yes, you can do it solo, but it's so much richer: and so much more fun: when you work together.

Once you've verified the connection, checked the evidence, defined your goal, and shared some initial information, it's time to map out a plan.

Suggest a division of labour:

  • "I'll dig into the Nova Scotia land records for the MacLeods if you can check the PEI census records for the MacDonalds."
  • "I've got access to Ancestry and Library and Archives Canada. Do you have access to any local genealogical societies or historical collections?"
  • "Let's each take a different branch and compare notes in two weeks."

Set up a shared Google Doc or a private Facebook group. Create a timeline. Decide who's tackling which record set. Make it collaborative, not competitive.

And here's the secret: if you hit a massive brick wall despite your combined best efforts, that's okay. That's normal. Atlantic Canada genealogy is full of missing records, burned courthouses, and ancestors who seemed to vanish into thin air. Sometimes you need a pro.

That's where I come in.

When the Brick Wall Won't Budge

If you and your newfound cousin have exhausted every lead, scoured every census record, and still can't crack that brick wall, it might be time to bring in some reinforcement. I've spent years specialising in Atlantic Canada genealogy, with deep knowledge of Scottish and Acadian migration patterns, land grants, church records, and all those sneaky little archives that most people overlook.

Sometimes all you need is a fresh set of eyes: and someone who knows exactly where to look.

Ready to break through? Book a free 30-minute consultation at www.howwegothere.ca and let's figure out how we can help you and your cousin bridge the gap between "stuck" and "solved."


Final Thought

That "New Message" notification isn't just a digital ping: it's an invitation. An invitation to connect with someone who shares your DNA, your curiosity, and your stubborn determination to figure out where you came from.

So the next time that little green bubble pops up, don't panic. Smile. You've just found a teammate.

And who knows? Together, you might just solve the mystery that's been haunting your family for generations.

Happy hunting: and happy collaborating.

: Brian Nash, Chief Genealogist and Owner
How We Got Here Genealogy Services


Written by Brian Nash

Genetic Genealogy
Your Cousin Just Messaged You on Ancestry, Now What? The 5-Step Atlantic Canada Collaboration Framework

You're scrolling through your Ancestry account, maybe checking on a hint or two, when you see it: that little green notification bubble. "New Message from a DNA Match." Your heart does a little skip. Someone, an actual, real-life cousin, wants to connect.

Exciting, right? Absolutely. But also… slightly terrifying.

What if they know more than you? What if they ask you questions you can't answer? What if they've got the whole family tree figured out and you're still trying to work out whether your great-great-grandfather was born in Scotland or Cape Breton? (Spoiler: it was probably Scotland, but he definitely died in Cape Breton.)

Take a breath. This is a good thing. In fact, it's one of the best things that can happen in your genealogy journey. But like any good relationship, it requires a bit of strategy, some ground rules, and a healthy dose of Atlantic Canada common sense.

Here's your 5-step framework for turning that "New Message" notification into a productive, maybe even lifelong, genealogy partnership.

Step 1: Verify the Connection (Because We've Got a Lot of MacLeods)

Here's the thing about Atlantic Canada: we recycle surnames like nobody's business. If you're researching families in Nova Scotia, New Brunswick, Prince Edward Island, or Newfoundland, you already know this. The MacDonalds, the MacLeods, the Gallants, the LeBlancs, the Smiths, they're everywhere. And they're not always related to your MacDonalds or MacLeods.

Before you dive headfirst into sharing your entire research library, take a moment to confirm which side of the family this person actually belongs to.

Two genealogy researchers comparing family trees and old photos in Atlantic Canada home

Here's how:

  • Check your shared matches. Ancestry and MyHeritage both show you a list of people you both match with. Look for names you recognise. If you share matches with people from your maternal grandmother's side, bingo, you've got your answer.
  • Ask about place names. A simple "Do you have any family from Pictou County?" or "Did your people come through Cape Breton?" can narrow things down fast.
  • Compare known ancestors. If they mention a surname or a place that rings a bell, ask for a birth year or a spouse's name. That extra detail can confirm whether you're barking up the right family tree, or the wrong one entirely.

Atlantic Canada genealogy is full of clusters. Whole communities migrated together from the Scottish Highlands, Acadia, Ireland, and beyond. So yes, you might match someone with the surname MacDonald, but unless you're both descended from the same MacDonald line that settled in Antigonish in 1820, you're just distant cousins waving at each other from across the genealogical landscape.

Verify first. Celebrate second.

Step 2: Check the Evidence (Not All Trees Are Created Equal)

You've confirmed the connection. Great! Now comes the detective work.

Click over to their tree. What do you see? Are there sources attached to each person? Census records, birth certificates, marriage registrations, obituaries? Or is it a long, beautiful, completely unsourced tree that looks suspiciously like it was copied wholesale from someone else's research?

Here's a hard truth: a lot of online trees are wrong. Not because people are malicious, but because they're human. Someone saw a name that looked close enough, clicked "accept hint," and moved on. Multiply that across five generations, and suddenly your ancestors are living in the wrong province, marrying people they never met, and dying 20 years before they were born.

What to look for:

  • Source citations. Do they list where they found the information? A tree with sources is a tree you can trust (or at least verify).
  • Reasonable dates. If someone's birth year is 1820 but they're supposedly the parent of someone born in 1815, that's a red flag.
  • Specificity. Vague locations like "Canada" or "Scotland" suggest the person hasn't done deep research. Specific places like "West River, Pictou County" or "Isle of Skye, Inverness-shire" are much more promising.

If their tree looks solid, fantastic. If it's a bit of a mess, don't write them off, just proceed with caution. Sometimes the people with the messiest trees are the ones sitting on a treasure trove of family documents, photos, and stories. They just haven't digitised them yet.

Step 3: Define the Goal (What Are We Actually Trying to Solve?)

This is where collaboration gets fun, and focused.

Don't just say, "Hey, cool, we're cousins!" and leave it at that. Ask the question: What do we both want to know?

Maybe you're both stuck on the same brick wall. Perhaps it's figuring out where your shared 3x-great-grandmother was born before she showed up in the 1871 census in Cumberland County. Or maybe it's tracing that elusive Scottish immigrant who left the Highlands during the Clearances and landed in Cape Breton in the 1820s.

Cousins collaborating on genealogy research using laptop with historical family documents

Here's how to frame it:

"I see we share [ancestor's name]. I've been trying to figure out [specific question]. Have you come across anything that might help?"

Be specific. "I'm trying to find out more about the MacKinnons" is too broad. "I'm trying to confirm whether Duncan MacKinnon, born around 1795 in Skye, is the same Duncan MacKinnon who married Mary MacDonald in Mabou in 1822" is gold.

When you define a shared goal, you transform a casual message exchange into a real research partnership. And trust me, two heads are better than one, especially when you're both staring at the same stubborn ancestor who refuses to appear in any records.

Step 4: Share with Care (Nobody Needs a 2,000-Person GEDCOM)

You're excited. I get it. You've been working on this tree for years. You've got 1,847 people entered, complete with notes, sources, and that one photo of Great-Aunt Mabel from 1932.

But here's the thing: don't overwhelm them.

Sending someone your entire GEDCOM file on day one is like handing them a phone book and saying, "Your ancestors are in here somewhere, good luck!" It's too much, too fast, and it's more likely to confuse than to help.

Instead, share strategically:

  • Focus on your common line. Send them a mini-tree or a few generations that directly relate to your shared ancestors.
  • Share specific documents. If you've got a census record, a land grant, or an obituary that mentions their side of the family, send that. Context is everything.
  • Tell stories. People connect with narratives. "Here's what I know about our shared great-great-grandfather, he was a ship's carpenter who emigrated from Inverness in 1848 and settled in Pictou" is way more engaging than a dry list of dates.

Think of it this way: you're not dumping your entire filing cabinet on their desk. You're handing them a carefully curated folder labelled "The Stuff That Matters to Both of Us."

Step 5: Create a Collaborative Plan (Genealogy Is a Team Sport)

Here's what I believe at How We Got Here Genealogy Services: genealogy is a team sport. Yes, you can do it solo, but it's so much richer: and so much more fun: when you work together.

Once you've verified the connection, checked the evidence, defined your goal, and shared some initial information, it's time to map out a plan.

Suggest a division of labour:

  • "I'll dig into the Nova Scotia land records for the MacLeods if you can check the PEI census records for the MacDonalds."
  • "I've got access to Ancestry and Library and Archives Canada. Do you have access to any local genealogical societies or historical collections?"
  • "Let's each take a different branch and compare notes in two weeks."

Set up a shared Google Doc or a private Facebook group. Create a timeline. Decide who's tackling which record set. Make it collaborative, not competitive.

And here's the secret: if you hit a massive brick wall despite your combined best efforts, that's okay. That's normal. Atlantic Canada genealogy is full of missing records, burned courthouses, and ancestors who seemed to vanish into thin air. Sometimes you need a pro.

That's where I come in.

When the Brick Wall Won't Budge

If you and your newfound cousin have exhausted every lead, scoured every census record, and still can't crack that brick wall, it might be time to bring in some reinforcement. I've spent years specialising in Atlantic Canada genealogy, with deep knowledge of Scottish and Acadian migration patterns, land grants, church records, and all those sneaky little archives that most people overlook.

Sometimes all you need is a fresh set of eyes: and someone who knows exactly where to look.

Ready to break through? Book a free 30-minute consultation at www.howwegothere.ca and let's figure out how we can help you and your cousin bridge the gap between "stuck" and "solved."


Final Thought

That "New Message" notification isn't just a digital ping: it's an invitation. An invitation to connect with someone who shares your DNA, your curiosity, and your stubborn determination to figure out where you came from.

So the next time that little green bubble pops up, don't panic. Smile. You've just found a teammate.

And who knows? Together, you might just solve the mystery that's been haunting your family for generations.

Happy hunting: and happy collaborating.

: Brian Nash, Chief Genealogist and Owner
How We Got Here Genealogy Services


Written by Brian Nash

Beyond the Dates: What "The Dash" Taught Me About Our Family Stories

Have you ever stood in a cemetery, looked down at a headstone, and really thought about what you’re seeing?

There’s a name. A birth date. A death date. And between those two numbers? A small, unassuming line. A dash.

That little dash represents everything. Every laugh, every struggle, every Sunday dinner, every argument, every quiet moment of joy. It’s the whole life compressed into a tiny horizontal mark. And as genealogists and family historians, that dash is precisely what we’re chasing: yet sometimes we get so caught up in the dates that we forget about the life in between.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. More than usual, actually.

A Wake-Up Call (Literally)

On January 5th, I had a heart attack.

I’m not going to dwell on the medical details here: I’ve shared more in a couple of YouTube videos for those who want the full story. But the short version is this: heart attack, hospital, recovery, and then a complication called pericarditis that reminded me healing isn’t a straight line.

Lying in a hospital bed gives you a particular kind of clarity. When your own mortality stops being an abstract concept and becomes very, very real, you start thinking differently about time. About legacy. About all those stories you meant to record “someday.”

Man reflecting on family legacy and preserving stories during hospital recovery

Here’s the thing that hit me hardest: I spend my professional life helping people uncover and preserve family stories. I research ancestors, track down records, and piece together the narratives of people who lived decades or centuries ago. But in that hospital bed, I realised something uncomfortable.

I am not just a researcher of history. I am a subject of it.

And so are you.

The Dash Is the Story

The concept of “the dash” comes from a poem by Linda Ellis, and it’s become something of a touchstone for me during this recovery. The poem asks us to consider: when people look back at our lives, will they focus on the dates: or will they remember how we lived the time in between?

For family history research, this idea is transformative.

Think about your own research for a moment. How many hours have you spent hunting for birth certificates, marriage records, and death dates? Those documents are essential: don’t get me wrong. They’re the scaffolding we build our family trees on. But they’re not the story.

The story is your great-grandmother’s stubbornness that got passed down through four generations. It’s the reason your grandfather always hummed the same tune while washing dishes. It’s the family recipe that nobody actually follows correctly anymore but everyone swears is “exactly how Nan made it.”

The dates tell us when someone existed. The dash tells us how they lived.

And here’s where it gets personal: one day, you will be the ancestor someone is researching. Your dash is being written right now, today, in the choices you make and the stories you tell (or don’t tell).

We Are the Living Records

How We Got Here Genealogy Services logo The image features the How We Got Here Genealogy Services logo, displaying a stylized tree symbolizing family roots and history, with the business name and tagline 'Because Every Family Has A Story' underneath, on a dark green background.

This is the part that my health scare really drove home. As genealogists and family historians, we often position ourselves as observers: people who look backwards, sifting through records and piecing together puzzles. But we’re not outside of history. We’re swimming in it.

The stories you remember from your parents and grandparents? You might be the only person alive who still knows them. That makes you a living archive. And archives need to be documented before they’re lost.

I’ve been doing this work professionally  through How We Got Here Genealogy Services, and I’ve seen what happens when families wait too long. The “I’ll record Grandma’s stories next summer” that becomes “I wish I’d recorded Grandma’s stories.” The photographs with no names on the back because “everyone knows who that is”: until everyone who knew passes away.

Recovery from a heart attack involves a lot of sitting around. A lot of time to think. And what I kept coming back to was this: the questions we don’t ask today become the mysteries our descendants can’t solve tomorrow.

What This Means for Your Family History Research

So, what do we do with this perspective? How does “the dash” actually change how we approach legacy projects and genealogy?

Here are the practical takeaways I’ve been mulling over:

1. Capture Stories Now, Not Later

Stop waiting for the “perfect time” to sit down with your relatives and record their memories. The perfect time doesn’t exist. Pull out your phone, hit record, and ask a question. Even five minutes of someone talking about their childhood is five minutes of irreplaceable family history.

2. Document Yourself, Too

This one feels awkward, I know. We’re taught not to be self-centred. But your future descendants will want to know about you. Write down your memories. Record yourself telling family stories. Keep a journal. You are part of the historical record: act like it.

3. Ask the Hard Questions While You Can

Don’t avoid the complicated family stories because they’re uncomfortable. Those are often the most important ones. The feuds, the secrets, the “we don’t talk about that” topics: they shaped your family just as much as the happier tales.

4. Think Small and Doable

One thing I’ve learned during recovery is that life doesn’t happen in big, dramatic leaps. It’s small steps. The same is true for legacy projects. You don’t need to write a 300-page family history book next week. Start with one story. One photograph identified. One conversation recorded.

Two generations preserving family history by reviewing old photographs together

5. Share What You’ve Found

Family history research isn’t meant to live in a filing cabinet. Share your discoveries with the people who will care about them. Create a simple family tree poster. Put together a photo album with captions. Write up a one-page summary of what you’ve learned about your great-grandparents. These small acts of sharing multiply the value of your research.

Watch the Full Story

I’ve shared more about this journey: the heart attack, the recovery, and the “dash” philosophy: in two YouTube videos. If you’d like to hear me talk through this in more detail (and see that I’m still kicking), here they are:

The sequel video especially touches on something important: recovery isn’t linear. Neither is family history research, honestly. We hit brick walls. We get discouraged. We take breaks. And then we come back and keep going, because the stories matter.

Your Dash Is Being Written Right Now

Here’s my challenge to you, whether you’re deep into your family history research or just getting started:

Stop thinking of yourself as only a researcher. You are also the research.

The stories you carry, the memories you hold, the experiences you’re living through right now: all of that is the content of your dash. And the work you do to uncover your ancestors’ dashes is how you honour theirs.

I’m not going to pretend that a health scare gave me some magical enlightenment. Mostly, it gave me a lot of time to think and a renewed appreciation for pacing myself. But it also clarified something I already knew intellectually but hadn’t fully felt:

Every family has a story. And the people best positioned to capture those stories are the ones living them right now.

That’s you. That’s me. That’s all of us, filling in our dashes one day at a time.

So don’t wait. Pick up the phone and call that relative. Pull out the old photo albums and start labelling. Record a voice memo about your own childhood. The dash between your dates is being written whether you document it or not: but your descendants will be grateful if you do.


This post was written by Brian Nash, Chief Genealogist and Owner of How We Got Here Genealogy Services. For more tips on preserving your family’s legacy, visit our blog or explore resources like our guide on using AI as a tool in genealogy research.

This blog post was written with the assistance of AI technology and reviewed and edited by a human for accuracy and tone.

Family History Research , Nashes
Beyond the Dates: What "The Dash" Taught Me About Our Family Stories

Have you ever stood in a cemetery, looked down at a headstone, and really thought about what you’re seeing?

There’s a name. A birth date. A death date. And between those two numbers? A small, unassuming line. A dash.

That little dash represents everything. Every laugh, every struggle, every Sunday dinner, every argument, every quiet moment of joy. It’s the whole life compressed into a tiny horizontal mark. And as genealogists and family historians, that dash is precisely what we’re chasing: yet sometimes we get so caught up in the dates that we forget about the life in between.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. More than usual, actually.

A Wake-Up Call (Literally)

On January 5th, I had a heart attack.

I’m not going to dwell on the medical details here: I’ve shared more in a couple of YouTube videos for those who want the full story. But the short version is this: heart attack, hospital, recovery, and then a complication called pericarditis that reminded me healing isn’t a straight line.

Lying in a hospital bed gives you a particular kind of clarity. When your own mortality stops being an abstract concept and becomes very, very real, you start thinking differently about time. About legacy. About all those stories you meant to record “someday.”

Man reflecting on family legacy and preserving stories during hospital recovery

Here’s the thing that hit me hardest: I spend my professional life helping people uncover and preserve family stories. I research ancestors, track down records, and piece together the narratives of people who lived decades or centuries ago. But in that hospital bed, I realised something uncomfortable.

I am not just a researcher of history. I am a subject of it.

And so are you.

The Dash Is the Story

The concept of “the dash” comes from a poem by Linda Ellis, and it’s become something of a touchstone for me during this recovery. The poem asks us to consider: when people look back at our lives, will they focus on the dates: or will they remember how we lived the time in between?

For family history research, this idea is transformative.

Think about your own research for a moment. How many hours have you spent hunting for birth certificates, marriage records, and death dates? Those documents are essential: don’t get me wrong. They’re the scaffolding we build our family trees on. But they’re not the story.

The story is your great-grandmother’s stubbornness that got passed down through four generations. It’s the reason your grandfather always hummed the same tune while washing dishes. It’s the family recipe that nobody actually follows correctly anymore but everyone swears is “exactly how Nan made it.”

The dates tell us when someone existed. The dash tells us how they lived.

And here’s where it gets personal: one day, you will be the ancestor someone is researching. Your dash is being written right now, today, in the choices you make and the stories you tell (or don’t tell).

We Are the Living Records

How We Got Here Genealogy Services logo The image features the How We Got Here Genealogy Services logo, displaying a stylized tree symbolizing family roots and history, with the business name and tagline 'Because Every Family Has A Story' underneath, on a dark green background.

This is the part that my health scare really drove home. As genealogists and family historians, we often position ourselves as observers: people who look backwards, sifting through records and piecing together puzzles. But we’re not outside of history. We’re swimming in it.

The stories you remember from your parents and grandparents? You might be the only person alive who still knows them. That makes you a living archive. And archives need to be documented before they’re lost.

I’ve been doing this work professionally  through How We Got Here Genealogy Services, and I’ve seen what happens when families wait too long. The “I’ll record Grandma’s stories next summer” that becomes “I wish I’d recorded Grandma’s stories.” The photographs with no names on the back because “everyone knows who that is”: until everyone who knew passes away.

Recovery from a heart attack involves a lot of sitting around. A lot of time to think. And what I kept coming back to was this: the questions we don’t ask today become the mysteries our descendants can’t solve tomorrow.

What This Means for Your Family History Research

So, what do we do with this perspective? How does “the dash” actually change how we approach legacy projects and genealogy?

Here are the practical takeaways I’ve been mulling over:

1. Capture Stories Now, Not Later

Stop waiting for the “perfect time” to sit down with your relatives and record their memories. The perfect time doesn’t exist. Pull out your phone, hit record, and ask a question. Even five minutes of someone talking about their childhood is five minutes of irreplaceable family history.

2. Document Yourself, Too

This one feels awkward, I know. We’re taught not to be self-centred. But your future descendants will want to know about you. Write down your memories. Record yourself telling family stories. Keep a journal. You are part of the historical record: act like it.

3. Ask the Hard Questions While You Can

Don’t avoid the complicated family stories because they’re uncomfortable. Those are often the most important ones. The feuds, the secrets, the “we don’t talk about that” topics: they shaped your family just as much as the happier tales.

4. Think Small and Doable

One thing I’ve learned during recovery is that life doesn’t happen in big, dramatic leaps. It’s small steps. The same is true for legacy projects. You don’t need to write a 300-page family history book next week. Start with one story. One photograph identified. One conversation recorded.

Two generations preserving family history by reviewing old photographs together

5. Share What You’ve Found

Family history research isn’t meant to live in a filing cabinet. Share your discoveries with the people who will care about them. Create a simple family tree poster. Put together a photo album with captions. Write up a one-page summary of what you’ve learned about your great-grandparents. These small acts of sharing multiply the value of your research.

Watch the Full Story

I’ve shared more about this journey: the heart attack, the recovery, and the “dash” philosophy: in two YouTube videos. If you’d like to hear me talk through this in more detail (and see that I’m still kicking), here they are:

The sequel video especially touches on something important: recovery isn’t linear. Neither is family history research, honestly. We hit brick walls. We get discouraged. We take breaks. And then we come back and keep going, because the stories matter.

Your Dash Is Being Written Right Now

Here’s my challenge to you, whether you’re deep into your family history research or just getting started:

Stop thinking of yourself as only a researcher. You are also the research.

The stories you carry, the memories you hold, the experiences you’re living through right now: all of that is the content of your dash. And the work you do to uncover your ancestors’ dashes is how you honour theirs.

I’m not going to pretend that a health scare gave me some magical enlightenment. Mostly, it gave me a lot of time to think and a renewed appreciation for pacing myself. But it also clarified something I already knew intellectually but hadn’t fully felt:

Every family has a story. And the people best positioned to capture those stories are the ones living them right now.

That’s you. That’s me. That’s all of us, filling in our dashes one day at a time.

So don’t wait. Pick up the phone and call that relative. Pull out the old photo albums and start labelling. Record a voice memo about your own childhood. The dash between your dates is being written whether you document it or not: but your descendants will be grateful if you do.


This post was written by Brian Nash, Chief Genealogist and Owner of How We Got Here Genealogy Services. For more tips on preserving your family’s legacy, visit our blog or explore resources like our guide on using AI as a tool in genealogy research.

This blog post was written with the assistance of AI technology and reviewed and edited by a human for accuracy and tone.

7 Mistakes You're Making with Your Scottish Ancestry Research (and How to Fix Them)

Tracing your Scottish roots can feel like wandering through a Highland mist: you know there's something magnificent ahead, but the path isn't always clear. Whether you're just beginning your journey into Scottish genealogy or you've been researching for years, chances are you've stumbled into at least one of these common pitfalls that can send your family tree veering off course.

Don't worry: every genealogist has been there! The key is recognising these mistakes early and knowing how to course-correct. Let's dive into the seven most common Scottish ancestry research blunders and, more importantly, how to fix them so you can uncover the rich stories of your Highland (or Lowland) heritage.

Mistake #1: Falling into the Name Spelling Trap

Here's the thing about our Scottish ancestors: they weren't particularly fussed about consistent spelling. In fact, standardised spelling is a relatively modern concept that would have seemed rather peculiar to your great-great-grandmother from Invergordon.

Your MacDonald ancestor might appear as McDonald in one record, MacDonnell in another, and McKonald in a third. Census takers, parish clerks, and ship captains all had their own interpretations of how Scottish names should be recorded. It's like a centuries-old game of Chinese whispers, except the consequences affect your entire family tree.

The Fix: Cast a wider net with your searches. Don't just search for "MacLeod": try "McLeod," "MacCloud," "McCloud," and even "MacClowd." Use wildcard searches (like "Macod" or "Mcod") on genealogy websites to capture variations you might not have considered. Keep a running list of all the spelling variations you discover for each surname in your tree: you'll be amazed at how creative the variations can be!

image_1

Mistake #2: Getting Lost in the Sea of Scottish Johns

Scotland has a particular fondness for certain names, and this can turn your research into a genealogical nightmare. James, John, William, Robert, Margaret, Mary, and Jean were incredibly popular choices, meaning you might find dozens of people with the same name in the same parish during the same time period.

Imagine trying to find the right John Stewart in 19th-century Glasgow: it's like looking for a specific grain of sand on a beach. Without additional identifying information, you could easily attach the wrong John to your family tree, creating a domino effect of incorrect connections.

The Fix: Think of yourself as a detective building a case. Don't rely solely on names and dates: look for distinguishing details like occupations, middle names, spouse's names, and children's names. Use the FAN principle (Friends, Associates, and Neighbours) to build context around your ancestors. Often, Scottish families lived near relatives or migrated together, so researching the broader community can help you identify the correct individual among all those Johns and Jameses.

Mistake #3: Treating Family Stories as Gospel Truth

Every family has them: those captivating stories passed down through generations about the castle your ancestors owned or the clan chief in your lineage. These tales often contain kernels of truth wrapped in layers of embellishment, wishful thinking, and simple misremembering.

Family oral history is like a centuries-old game of telephone. Each retelling adds a bit of colour, removes inconvenient details, or conflates multiple people into one dramatic narrative. That "castle" might have been a modest cottage, and your "clan chief" ancestor could have been a distant relation to someone who knew someone who once worked for the actual chief.

The Fix: Approach family stories as valuable clues rather than established facts. Use them as starting points for research, not endpoints. If family lore says your ancestor came from a particular Scottish village, investigate that area: but be prepared to discover the reality might be quite different from the legend. Document what you can prove through records, and clearly distinguish between verified facts and family traditions in your research notes.

image_2

Mistake #4: Copying and Pasting from Online Family Trees

Online family trees can seem like genealogical treasure troves, offering seemingly complete lineages that would take you years to research independently. But here's the catch: many of these trees are built on shaky foundations, with researchers copying information from other trees without verification.

It's the genealogical equivalent of a house of cards. If the original researcher made an error connecting two generations, every person attached to that lineage becomes suspect. You might unknowingly add hundreds of unrelated people to your family tree, creating an impressive but entirely fictional Scottish heritage.

The Fix: Treat online family trees as research hints, not definitive sources. Before adding anyone to your tree based on someone else's research, verify the connection through original records. Look for birth certificates, death certificates, census records, and parish registers that support the claimed relationships. It takes more time, but you'll build a family tree based on solid evidence rather than wishful thinking.

Mistake #5: Ignoring the Paper Trail

Picture this: you've spent hours researching and finally discover a crucial piece of information about your Scottish ancestor. Six months later, you want to verify that detail or show it to a cousin, but you can't remember where you found it. Without proper source documentation, your research becomes a genealogical ghost story: interesting but impossible to substantiate.

This mistake is particularly costly in Scottish research, where records can be scattered across multiple repositories and online databases. That parish register entry you found last year might be difficult to locate again without proper citation.

The Fix: Develop a source citation habit from day one. For every piece of information you add to your family tree, record exactly where you found it: the specific website, database, document name, page number, and date you accessed it. Use genealogy software that makes citation easy, or create a simple system in a notebook. Future you (and your family members) will thank you for this diligence.

image_3

Mistake #6: Limiting Yourself to the Usual Suspects

Many genealogists build their entire Scottish family history using only census records and vital statistics (births, marriages, deaths). While these sources provide excellent skeletal information, they're like reading only the chapter headings of your ancestors' life stories: you miss all the fascinating details that make them real people.

Scottish ancestors led rich, complex lives that extended far beyond the basic facts captured in census returns. They served in the military, emigrated to new countries, joined churches, owned property, wrote wills, appeared in newspapers, and left traces in dozens of other record types that can flesh out their stories.

The Fix: Expand your research toolkit to include kirk session records, military service records, passenger lists, newspaper archives, probate records, land records, tax rolls, and cemetery records. Each record type reveals different aspects of your ancestors' lives and can provide breakthrough discoveries. Don't just document that your ancestor lived: discover how they lived.

Mistake #7: Underestimating Scottish-Specific Research Challenges

Scottish genealogy presents unique obstacles that can derail researchers who aren't prepared for them. Parish registers might have gaps due to wars, religious conflicts, or simple neglect. Non-conformist ancestors might not appear in Church of Scotland records at all. Place names can be frustratingly vague: "Scotland" as a birthplace isn't particularly helpful when you're trying to narrow down research locations.

Additionally, Scottish naming patterns, illegitimacy records, and clan relationships create layers of complexity that don't exist in other genealogical traditions. Many researchers get discouraged when they encounter these challenges without understanding they're normal parts of Scottish research.

The Fix: Educate yourself about Scottish history, geography, and record-keeping practices. Join Scottish genealogy groups and forums where experienced researchers share knowledge and strategies. Learn about Scottish naming patterns: many families followed traditions like naming the first son after the paternal grandfather and the first daughter after the maternal grandmother. Understanding these patterns can help you predict relationships and identify missing records.

When you encounter vague location information, research your ancestor's siblings and extended family: later records might provide more specific birthplace details. Use gazetteer resources to understand Scottish geography and identify small villages that might not appear on modern maps.

Moving Forward with Confidence

Remember, encountering these challenges doesn't make you a poor researcher: it makes you a normal one! Every genealogist working with Scottish ancestry faces these same obstacles. The difference between those who succeed and those who get frustrated lies in recognising these common pitfalls and developing strategies to overcome them.

Your Scottish ancestors lived remarkable lives filled with courage, hardship, joy, and perseverance. They deserve to have their stories told accurately and completely. By avoiding these seven common mistakes, you're not just improving your research skills: you're honouring their memory and preserving their legacy for future generations.

Scottish genealogy is a journey, not a sprint. Each record you discover, each connection you verify, and each story you uncover brings you closer to understanding not just where you came from, but who your ancestors really were. And that understanding: that deep connection to your Scottish heritage: makes every challenging research moment worth the effort.

Ready to dive deeper into your Scottish ancestry research? Visit How We Got Here Genealogy Services to discover how professional guidance can help you navigate the unique challenges of Scottish genealogy and uncover the remarkable stories waiting in your family tree.

Scottish Family History Research
7 Mistakes You're Making with Your Scottish Ancestry Research (and How to Fix Them)

Tracing your Scottish roots can feel like wandering through a Highland mist: you know there's something magnificent ahead, but the path isn't always clear. Whether you're just beginning your journey into Scottish genealogy or you've been researching for years, chances are you've stumbled into at least one of these common pitfalls that can send your family tree veering off course.

Don't worry: every genealogist has been there! The key is recognising these mistakes early and knowing how to course-correct. Let's dive into the seven most common Scottish ancestry research blunders and, more importantly, how to fix them so you can uncover the rich stories of your Highland (or Lowland) heritage.

Mistake #1: Falling into the Name Spelling Trap

Here's the thing about our Scottish ancestors: they weren't particularly fussed about consistent spelling. In fact, standardised spelling is a relatively modern concept that would have seemed rather peculiar to your great-great-grandmother from Invergordon.

Your MacDonald ancestor might appear as McDonald in one record, MacDonnell in another, and McKonald in a third. Census takers, parish clerks, and ship captains all had their own interpretations of how Scottish names should be recorded. It's like a centuries-old game of Chinese whispers, except the consequences affect your entire family tree.

The Fix: Cast a wider net with your searches. Don't just search for "MacLeod": try "McLeod," "MacCloud," "McCloud," and even "MacClowd." Use wildcard searches (like "Macod" or "Mcod") on genealogy websites to capture variations you might not have considered. Keep a running list of all the spelling variations you discover for each surname in your tree: you'll be amazed at how creative the variations can be!

image_1

Mistake #2: Getting Lost in the Sea of Scottish Johns

Scotland has a particular fondness for certain names, and this can turn your research into a genealogical nightmare. James, John, William, Robert, Margaret, Mary, and Jean were incredibly popular choices, meaning you might find dozens of people with the same name in the same parish during the same time period.

Imagine trying to find the right John Stewart in 19th-century Glasgow: it's like looking for a specific grain of sand on a beach. Without additional identifying information, you could easily attach the wrong John to your family tree, creating a domino effect of incorrect connections.

The Fix: Think of yourself as a detective building a case. Don't rely solely on names and dates: look for distinguishing details like occupations, middle names, spouse's names, and children's names. Use the FAN principle (Friends, Associates, and Neighbours) to build context around your ancestors. Often, Scottish families lived near relatives or migrated together, so researching the broader community can help you identify the correct individual among all those Johns and Jameses.

Mistake #3: Treating Family Stories as Gospel Truth

Every family has them: those captivating stories passed down through generations about the castle your ancestors owned or the clan chief in your lineage. These tales often contain kernels of truth wrapped in layers of embellishment, wishful thinking, and simple misremembering.

Family oral history is like a centuries-old game of telephone. Each retelling adds a bit of colour, removes inconvenient details, or conflates multiple people into one dramatic narrative. That "castle" might have been a modest cottage, and your "clan chief" ancestor could have been a distant relation to someone who knew someone who once worked for the actual chief.

The Fix: Approach family stories as valuable clues rather than established facts. Use them as starting points for research, not endpoints. If family lore says your ancestor came from a particular Scottish village, investigate that area: but be prepared to discover the reality might be quite different from the legend. Document what you can prove through records, and clearly distinguish between verified facts and family traditions in your research notes.

image_2

Mistake #4: Copying and Pasting from Online Family Trees

Online family trees can seem like genealogical treasure troves, offering seemingly complete lineages that would take you years to research independently. But here's the catch: many of these trees are built on shaky foundations, with researchers copying information from other trees without verification.

It's the genealogical equivalent of a house of cards. If the original researcher made an error connecting two generations, every person attached to that lineage becomes suspect. You might unknowingly add hundreds of unrelated people to your family tree, creating an impressive but entirely fictional Scottish heritage.

The Fix: Treat online family trees as research hints, not definitive sources. Before adding anyone to your tree based on someone else's research, verify the connection through original records. Look for birth certificates, death certificates, census records, and parish registers that support the claimed relationships. It takes more time, but you'll build a family tree based on solid evidence rather than wishful thinking.

Mistake #5: Ignoring the Paper Trail

Picture this: you've spent hours researching and finally discover a crucial piece of information about your Scottish ancestor. Six months later, you want to verify that detail or show it to a cousin, but you can't remember where you found it. Without proper source documentation, your research becomes a genealogical ghost story: interesting but impossible to substantiate.

This mistake is particularly costly in Scottish research, where records can be scattered across multiple repositories and online databases. That parish register entry you found last year might be difficult to locate again without proper citation.

The Fix: Develop a source citation habit from day one. For every piece of information you add to your family tree, record exactly where you found it: the specific website, database, document name, page number, and date you accessed it. Use genealogy software that makes citation easy, or create a simple system in a notebook. Future you (and your family members) will thank you for this diligence.

image_3

Mistake #6: Limiting Yourself to the Usual Suspects

Many genealogists build their entire Scottish family history using only census records and vital statistics (births, marriages, deaths). While these sources provide excellent skeletal information, they're like reading only the chapter headings of your ancestors' life stories: you miss all the fascinating details that make them real people.

Scottish ancestors led rich, complex lives that extended far beyond the basic facts captured in census returns. They served in the military, emigrated to new countries, joined churches, owned property, wrote wills, appeared in newspapers, and left traces in dozens of other record types that can flesh out their stories.

The Fix: Expand your research toolkit to include kirk session records, military service records, passenger lists, newspaper archives, probate records, land records, tax rolls, and cemetery records. Each record type reveals different aspects of your ancestors' lives and can provide breakthrough discoveries. Don't just document that your ancestor lived: discover how they lived.

Mistake #7: Underestimating Scottish-Specific Research Challenges

Scottish genealogy presents unique obstacles that can derail researchers who aren't prepared for them. Parish registers might have gaps due to wars, religious conflicts, or simple neglect. Non-conformist ancestors might not appear in Church of Scotland records at all. Place names can be frustratingly vague: "Scotland" as a birthplace isn't particularly helpful when you're trying to narrow down research locations.

Additionally, Scottish naming patterns, illegitimacy records, and clan relationships create layers of complexity that don't exist in other genealogical traditions. Many researchers get discouraged when they encounter these challenges without understanding they're normal parts of Scottish research.

The Fix: Educate yourself about Scottish history, geography, and record-keeping practices. Join Scottish genealogy groups and forums where experienced researchers share knowledge and strategies. Learn about Scottish naming patterns: many families followed traditions like naming the first son after the paternal grandfather and the first daughter after the maternal grandmother. Understanding these patterns can help you predict relationships and identify missing records.

When you encounter vague location information, research your ancestor's siblings and extended family: later records might provide more specific birthplace details. Use gazetteer resources to understand Scottish geography and identify small villages that might not appear on modern maps.

Moving Forward with Confidence

Remember, encountering these challenges doesn't make you a poor researcher: it makes you a normal one! Every genealogist working with Scottish ancestry faces these same obstacles. The difference between those who succeed and those who get frustrated lies in recognising these common pitfalls and developing strategies to overcome them.

Your Scottish ancestors lived remarkable lives filled with courage, hardship, joy, and perseverance. They deserve to have their stories told accurately and completely. By avoiding these seven common mistakes, you're not just improving your research skills: you're honouring their memory and preserving their legacy for future generations.

Scottish genealogy is a journey, not a sprint. Each record you discover, each connection you verify, and each story you uncover brings you closer to understanding not just where you came from, but who your ancestors really were. And that understanding: that deep connection to your Scottish heritage: makes every challenging research moment worth the effort.

Ready to dive deeper into your Scottish ancestry research? Visit How We Got Here Genealogy Services to discover how professional guidance can help you navigate the unique challenges of Scottish genealogy and uncover the remarkable stories waiting in your family tree.